Intrinsic
by lilybellavelle
Summary: Bella and Jacob have been friends for a long time, but their relationship is slowly changing...As they change too. All human, no mythical creatures or magic.
1. When it fall falls apart

**Hi! This is my first POSTED story. I've been writing for a long time, but this is the first one I've made available for public viewing. I do not currently have a beta so if anybody is interest, ffeel free to pm me. I hope you enjoy the first chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

"Oh, shoot." She muttered.

"What's up?" You ask, peering around the aisle at her. You're trying to pretend that you're interested in the library, for her sake. But really, you're looking for any distraction. And she's your favourite distraction.

She rolls her eyes at you. "I forgot my card." She sighs, and glances down at the book in her hand, and the list she still has to get.

"Jaaaakkkkeeee?" You know what's coming. And you don't care. But you play along, because it's fun, and because sometimes when she's play-pleading with you to do something, she'll touch your arm.

Which she kind of does. She wraps her arms around your- much longer- arm, and leans her head against your shoulder.

You wonder how you look to all the other people in the library. Do you look like a couple? Would she mind that, if she knew? And you catch a disapproving glare from the librarian, but you don't care. Because it's not like that, much to your dismay, so the glare is unwarranted.

You're bought back to the present by her voice, drawing out her words in her "Pretty Please" voice.

"I don't suppose..." She smiles and looks up at you from under her lashes. Again, you wonder what this looks like, from the outside. Like she's flirting with you? But you know that she's not. She told you once, when you asked why she did it, that it was just an unconscious habit she picked up... It's Charlie's fault. When she was a little girl she learnt all that she only had to do that and whatever she wanted she already had. You find yet another reason to really like Charlie Swan, your honorary uncle, practically another father. So it's a cute little game you play.

"I don't suppooossseeee...You'd get it for me Jake? Puh-leeeezzeee?" She begs, wrapping herself closer to you as she tightens her grip on your arm. And that's it. There was no way you were going to refuse anyway, but there's no way you _**could**_ now.

But the feeling of her soft body pressed against your side is something you want to draw out, so you pretend to think about it. Which is definitely a good move, because she hugs your arm tighter and hugs herself closer as a result. Which you know is an unconscious thing for her to do, she doesn't even notice. But you can dream.

"Oh, please, Jacob?" But then she hits you with the big pleading brown eyes, and you admit that you give up.

"O.k." You sigh, pretending you mind...When really, you'd do anything for her...Anything. You'd go anywhere, do anything for her. Walking a few metres out to the car-park to fetch a little piece of plastic for her is nothing, nowhere near enough to show what you would do for her.

"Thank-you" She whisper squeals, and she pinches you cheek.

And you hate that, and love it at the same time. It's a motherly gesture, and that's the last thing you want from her, but for just a second before she pinches you cheek, and after, her fingers caress your cheek, something you dream about at night.

"O.k., so," She says pulling back from you (dammit!) and she is suddenly business-like.

"It's in my purse, which is in my handbag. It's the second card, behind my license." She explains.

You're turning to go when she suddenly touches your arm. You freeze. Her fingers are soft on your arm, and you turn slowly.

"I forgot." She grins, digging in her pocket. She hands you the keys to her truck.

You try to act normal, so you roll your eyes. "Only you, Bella, would lock your car in Forks."

"Hey," She defends "I lived in Phoenix 'till I was fourteen. It's habit. We're not all big and scary enough that no one would dare touch our car anyway."

You grin at her, and you think that you're very happy to extend your protection to her as well.

You walk out into the car park, and wince at her truck. You're so glad you offloaded it. It's the slowest thing you've ever driven...apart from a lawn mower.

You snicker to yourself as you unlock the door.

Her practical brown bag is on the floor of the truck, and you open the bag, and rummage around for her purse. Entering the realm of a girl's handbag is a lifelong curiosity being satiated. You've never understood what they need them for. Everything you need you can carry in a wallet which fits into your jeans pocket. Why do they need a bag, all the time?

There is a packet of tissuses, and several band aids... Completely necessary for Bella. There is a small tube of lip stuff...Lip gloss, apparently, strawberry flavoured. You idly wonder if that's how her lips would taste. You quickly shake your head to clear it, and, though you feel guilty, you can't resist taking the chance to unravel a little more of the mystery that is Bella.

There is a tube which, on further examination, proves to be mascara, a chap stick, a small notebook, several pens, ibuprofen, completely unnecessary (In Forks, at least) sunglasses, and... What is _**that**_?

You pick it up gingerly, your heart in your mouth. You are not naive. You know what it is... You just don't want to believe it.

Those little pills...You know what they are.

You just didn't think that Bella would...would need them. She's...Well, she's...Bella.

But why the hell _**does**_ she need them? _Well, see Jake, the mommy and the daddy..._ No, what you mean is why... Bella doesn't have a boyfriend. Admittedly, there's that Mike dude, but you didn't think they were actually _**dating**_.

Your heart aches. Down at the rez, at school, there are girls that everybody knows.

Everyone talks about them behind their back. The boys do to, but that doesn't stop them from... They don't respect them. You? You feel sorry for them. They seem to think if they don't have a guy all the time, they're not worth anything. And they seem to think that is the only way they can attract them. They don't hurt anybody else but themselves.

You just hope that Bella's not like that. Not so much the obvious, though the idea of her with other men... But more that you hope she's not disrespecting herself like that. That she knows she's worth more than that.

You swallow back the bile rising in your throat, and quickly grab her library card from her purse, hurrying, hoping she won't notice how long you've been gone.

You quickly relock it, only because she seems to feel better that way, and dash back across the carpark, avoiding the puddles.

You go back into the library, and hand her the card, and she beams at you, and says "Thanks, Jake."

And you smile back and try to pretend that everything is normal- That your world hasn't just tilted on its axis, that all you want to do is sit her down, and beg her to please, please, think about whatever she's doing. You try to pretend that you're not going through the list of her guy friends from school that she talks about sometimes, desperately wondering if maybe one of them is more than a friend, and she simply hasn't told you. And desperately try to resist the urge to just punch them all to be safe.

But surely...Surely she'd tell you? You're Jake, and she's Bells...Best friends who tell each other everything...Well, you think with a wry smile, obviously not _**everything**_. But you don't think you could bear to hear about that.

She's halfway towards the desk to check her books out, and she turns back to you, to see why you're not following. You quickly catch up with her, and she looks at you, concerned. "Is everything O.k., Jacob?"

You force a smile, though it feels stiff and painful, and say, "Sure, why wouldn't it be?"

She shrugs, but watches you, concerned. "You just don't look that great, that's all." She says worriedly, her eyebrows pulling together in a sweet display of concern.

You switch the tone back to teasing, because you can do this. You will do this. This is Bella. Your best friend, and...Well. She's still the same person, and, essentially, nothing has changed between you. Now you just have more fuel for nightmares.

"Well, I guess I just can't be _sort of_ beautiful all the time, Bells."

She laughs, her brown eyes dancing.

"Hey, I was concussed! I can't be held accountable for what I said!"

You shake your head at her, smiling. "You were being honest, Bella... It was your subconscious speaking. Besides, who's fault was the concussion? You suggested riding the bikes, and you crashed it."

"If Charlie ever found out about the bikes..." She chuckles.

You roll your eyes. "I know, he'd ground you permanently, and kill me in the most painful way he can think of."

You acquired two motorbikes a few years earlier, and fixed them up... And Bella shocked you by begging to be allowed to ride one, and for you to teach her.

She's had more accidents than you can count, and you're both sure your luck is going to run out soon, and Charlie will stop believing your excuses for visiting the Emergency Room.

She checks out her books, and she suggests that you go to the Diner for lunch, because she needs to go shopping, and there's nothing at home.

"Sure, Bella." You agree...whatever she wants.

You get a table, and she orders a salad. Pfffttt. You order a burger with the lot, fries, and you get a big bottle of coke.

You regale her with stories of Quil and Embry's latest antics in between enormous bitefulls, and she laughs her beautiful clear bell-like laugh. She probably thinks you call her 'Bells' because she's Bella...In truth, this just provides you with an excuse... and it's the most important sound in your world.

Yes, you are, as Quil and Embry put it, "Totally whipped, Dude." You don't even bother trying to deny it. You tell her about Quill serenading Mrs. Seckold, your English teacher, with 'I will always love you'. In front of the whole class. On his knees. Extremely off key. With a limited grasp of the words.

She tilts her head back, giggling helplessly. She leans across and steals one of you fries, giggling and brandishing it in your face, before taking a bite, with exaggerated enjoyment.

"Ha!" You crow "I knew you'd join the dark side! We have _**fries!**_ You have _**salad."**_ You roll your eyes and spit the word as if it is something disgusting in your mouth.

"Yeah, I'm joining the Black side." She goes off into peels of giggles then, because she loves it when she thinks of something funny. She likes to be amusing, but she's such a serious little thing that she doesn't do it very often.

And when she does, she's Cheshire cat smug. You laugh loudly with her, even though it's not actually that funny... But she is, with her smugness and satisfaction.

But even as you laugh and goof around, there is a dark shadow in the shape of some tiny little pills.

Eventually, she sighs and says she guesses she should get you home. The Rabbit is not quite completed, which means that she's been the driver of late. But it makes the otherwise boring drive from La Push to Forks far more interesting at least.

She drops you off, with a promise to visit you tomorrow.

Bella seems to have two worlds-A world that is all La Push, and walking on the beach, and a driftwood tree, and spaghetti dinners, with smoke in the air, and bonfires, and motorbikes with the wind whipping through her hair, and big smiles, and "_Jake and Bells"._

Her other world is Forks, and the Cafateria Crowd-Angela, Jessica, Lauren, Ben, Mike, Eric and Tyler, classes and movies, and her friends saving her in gym, and snow (or slush) fights.

These two worlds rarely meet- Occasionally she will run into Jake, or Billy, or one of her other friends from La Push in Forks with her other friends, and she will make introductions, and for a start she fielded questions about how she knew them- Now, her friends know that Bella spends a lot of time at La Push, though they don't know quite how much. She rarely talks about one group in front of the other-They're simply too different. Two worlds, two crowds, and almost like two Bella's.

Forks Bella is quiet, a good listener, follows the rules, and is almost always serious...and hopelessly clumsy. She blushes furiously at some of the boy's attempts to flirt with her, and spends hours trying to decide how to turn them down, without hurting their feelings.

La Push Bella is still quiet, but she learned long ago to be heard around there, you have to raise you voice, and they _**like**_ you to talk. She is adventurous (and a rule breaker- Charlie would kill her), with the motorbikes and cliff diving, and she laughs a lot- She is not necessarily the one cracking the jokes, but she laughs at everyone else's. She tolerates Quil's flirting, blushing furiously sometimes, and politely pretending not to hear, and look off in the other direction every time one of them starts using innuendoes.

She wonders sometimes what Charlie thinks- He's really the only one who sees both sides of her. But then again, perhaps she isn't so different. Perhaps it's simply her perception of herself.

Sometimes she wants to merge her two worlds, and maybe merge herself- Tyler would get along so well with Quil... They're so alike sometimes. Angela would love Emily, Leah and Seth's cousin, who's moved to La Push last year. Embry, Eric and Ben are all smart- Though Eric and Ben have little sense of humour, and Embry is sometimes as evil as Jake and Quil. Jessica would like meeting all the buff Quileute boys, she's sure... Their constant state of activity has them all rather fit. Mike... Mike is easy to like, and would fit in pretty much anywhere. And Lauren...Well, she's not really sure where she would fit in, but frankly, nor does she care. Lauren is not a friend-She's merely her friend's friend.

But then she thinks how different she is, and she wonders anxiously what her Forks friends would think of this Bella. Her La Push friends see her in serious mode, especially Jake, quite a bit, but she doubts she could ever convince her Forks friends she's been cliff diving and loves motorbikes.

But she doesn't really mind...And the reason that Jake is her best-friend is that she can be either one, and be comfortable around him, and to him she's all the same- A multi-faceted diamond.

Though she doesn't know this, Jacob thinks that if he was ever going to buy Bella jewellery, though, he wouldn't buy her diamonds. He knows that's what most girls like, but he also know Bella isn't most girls, and that he would struggle to get her to accept it anyway. He would give her pearls. Their soft ivory colour reminds him of her skin, and they seem somehow serene and lovely...Like her. Diamonds are cold, and their beauty is not warm and comforting, but harsh and hard.

**Please, let me know what you thought! REVIEW!**


	2. Is someone getting the best of you?

_**tHi again! So, updates probably won't be so fast in future, but I was so grateful for all the favourites, alerts and my small number of reviews that I was very motivated! **_

()()

Saturday Jake doesn't see Bella. Charlie has decided to finally replace the couch they've had for...Well, certainly as long as Jake can remember, and when he asks, Bella admits she can only ever remember the same one.

So they're going to Port Angeles to pick another one, and obviously Charlie can't be trusted to buy a couch by himself so Bella has to go along.

Jake spend the day working on the Rabbit with Quil and Embry, and they gossip like old women, and talk about girls, and cars, and none of them need to filter, because Bella isn't there...But somehow, it just doesn't seem quite right.

Even Quil and Embry comment that they're used to turning and seeing Bella watching them as they work on the rabbit, and that they keep almost catching themselves from saying certain things before they remember she's not there.

Sunday, Bella visits, homework in hand. You had to start doing homework together to placate Billy and Charlie- Plus, Bella is a great tutor. Today, however, she has news. News that puts a damper on the rest of the afternoon.

Bella tells you that she's going to Florida for the holidays to see Renee and Phil. You smile, and tell her that's great- That she'll have a lot of fun.

When you and Billy go to the Swan's for tea the night before she leaves, Charlie and Billy conspicuously give you a chance to say good-bye by going to the other side of the truck to peer at the sky and debate whether it's going to be fine or rainy tomorrow- Stupid question.

You lean in, and hug her, and relish holding her close. You whisper that you'll miss her, and kiss her cheek quickly, before you go and help Billy in, and drive off. You glimpse her in the headlights as you turn, Charlie standing behind her with his hand on her shoulder as she gives you a little wave, a tiny half-smile on her face.

_You miss her already._

()()

You hear from her occasionally- She rings every so often, and Charlie keeps you updated. But you don't hear from hear nearly enough, and you miss her like crazy.

And then you and Billy head down to see Rachel for a few days. It's nice to see her again, and Billy's happy. Rachel asks lots of questions about Bella- You don't mind talking about her... She's your favourite subject after all.

She looks at you with a calculating expression and says "So, is she your girlfriend, Jake? Looks like I might have to come home and meet her again."

You blush (almost unheard of for you...thank goodness for your dark skin) and mutter that no, Bella is not your girlfriend.

_She just laughs at you._

()()

Eventually you pack and it's time to come home. Rachel hugs you, and to your alarm, she blinks back tears. _Rachel Black does not cry, especially over something as trivial as her father and little brother going home._

"You gonna come visit me again soon?" She asks gruffly once she pulls back.

"Uh...sure." You mutter.

She ruffles your hair, and you duck out from under her hand, both of you laughing now. You get in the truck, and she says her goodbye's to Billy, and then she comes around to where you're sitting again. She leans in, and hugs you...again. This clingy behaviour is rather disturbing.

She strokes your hair for a moment and mutters that she'll miss you. You return the sentiment, not sure if you really mean it or not (_terrible as that sounds, but you never really thought she missed you either_) and not sure why she's acting all...emotional. You're her annoying little brother. This is not normal.

As she pulls away, she adds slyly, "_Next time, bring Bella."_

() ()

You get home before lunch, and Quil and Embry turn up, complaining of boredom in your absence.

Jared and Paul call in, and say that there's some kids down on the beach, and they're going to check them out. Paul says, with a wicked grin that there's some 'total hotties'. That's enough to sell Quil on the idea.

You're bored already, with nothing to do except unpack, which makes you even more bored just thinking about it, so you give them a "Hell yes!" and you're out the door in a flash.

You run into Leah and Sam, with Seth in tow, along the way, and Leah wants to come with you all, and Sam wants whatever Leah does.

You walk along the beach together, five tall, built Quileute guys, one gangly, over-excited boy, and a really tall, intimidating girl.

You notice the boys in the group look up and quickly band together...like a pack of cornered sheep, you snicker to yourself.

You approach the group, and when you do, you recognise some of Bella's friends. You've never actually met them, but you know them by sight.

As you enter the circle of people sitting around the fire and introduce yourselves, suddenly someone barrels into you.

You never get a chance to see who they are as they fling their arms around you, but you are not alarmed- You see the soft reddish-brown hair, and smell...Strawberries, Vanilla..._Bella._

She squeals out "Jake!"

You laugh and pick her up, and swing her around while she laughs and screams and begs you to put her down and whispers that she missed you, and complains that she can't breathe. You set her down, and she stumbles dizzily, and Quil (the douche-bag) catches her and kisses her cheek, winks and asks if she missed him. She blushes red, and then Embry grabs her from behind in a 'Bella Sandwich'. Ass hats.

She giggles, and begs them to let her go, and when they finally do, she turns a flaming red...because all around, there is Bella's staring friends and _dead silence_.

()()-

Bella recovers from her embarrassment enough to introduce everybody, and you delight in sitting close to her, and leaning in to talk to her quietly, asking about her trip to Phoenix. She laughs as she tells you about her trip and Renee's latest crazy exploits, and you fill her in on Embry and Quil's latest exploits and she laughs along with you.

She hasn't changed much over the holidays- she has the slightest (very slightest) hint of a tan, and you think maybe a few more freckles. And, though you hate that your mind thinks this way, that it refuses to stay on nice, safe ground, you can't help but notice that Bella has...Filled out a little. She is still as tiny and slim as ever it more that...Other areas are a little more prominent. Not much, of course, but...enough that you notice.

While you're mingling, Quil slings his arm over her shoulder, looking slyly at guys in their group, and begins chattering away to her...And throws a wink to one of her girl friends.

You roll your eyes at his antics, and snicker to yourself at the way the guys in the Forks group glare at him, while keeping a wary distance.

Quil moves off eventually to flirt with someone else.

You step closer to her and casually put your hand on the small of her back to whisper to her.

"Looks like you've got yourself an admirer..."

"Offering, Jake?" She giggles.

You grin back at her, pleased to see Bella so happy, and hoping she won't notice your blush..._Because, really, she's right. _

It's fun. Bella has fun. She talks quietly to her friend Angela, and Leah, jokes with Quil and Embry, and Jared and Paul, and you talk to her like always.

And you like the way, that for once, it feels like Bella is not just part of your life..._But that you're part of hers, too. _

You eat hamburgers, and potatoes cooked in the coals, and (cold for once) soda, and you talk to Bella lots, and when she's talking to her other friends, though you talk to other people, she's always in the corner of your eye. Her friend Lauren is a bit of an enigma- She seems condescending, and you don't like the disparaging remarks she makes about the rez, yet she flirts with you most of the time. Quil vies desperately for her attention, but she's simply not interested.

_White chicks are strange..._

You notice how most of the boys in her group glare at you and look at you often- Evaluating, both you and your relationship with Bella. And you watch them the same way, and unable to completely banish the memory of what you found you warily watch the way they interact with her, looking for hints.

You can't help but glare at Mike, Tyler and Eric... The way they hang off Bella's every word, and suck up..._And the way they watch her butt when she walks._ Douche bags.

When they decide (far too early for your liking) that it's time for them to go back to Forks, you say good bye to Bella.

Under the pretence of hugging you good-bye, Bella whispers to you "Bikes tomorrow?"

You hug her back, and relish the feeling of her slim body pressed against you, and how tiny she feels in your arms, and the scent of her hair... And whisper "Sure."

You can't wait.

()()

The next morning she's there bright and early. She comes inside and hugs Billy (Not fair, you didn't get a hug) and tells him about Phoenix, and shows him photos on her camera, and laughs and tells you to get back, she'll show you later.

You pretend to pout and complain, but really, you know that you can get away with getting closer to her if Billy's not around under the pretext of looking at her photos.

And you're right. You sit in the backseat of the rabbit together, and you fake incompetence with the camera, so she has to hold it, and go through the pictures for you. Plus, she tells you about everything in the pictures.

You listen carefully to what she says, loving the sounds of her quiet, sweet voice, and leaning as close as you can get away with.

She shows you pictures of Jacksonville, and laughs as she shows you the bruises she developed when Phil tried to teach her to play baseball. You wince at the bruises, and the bandaids all over her.

You lightly trace a mark on her arm, where she admits, sheepishly, that she fell, and wish that you could wipe it away...stop her from ever being hurt again.

_And you can't even bring yourself to feel embarrassed for thinking something so cheesy._

()()

Then, it's time to go back to school, and you sit in class, and try to apply yourself, because you do want to do well...You think you'd like to be a mechanic, but you want to keep your options open, but you find your attention wandering to big, soft brown eyes, and a bell-like laugh, and one tiny little person, who makes up such a huge part of your world... She's so small, and delicate, but her hold over you belies her size.

Then, a few days later, when you're making a super-sized sandwich after you get home from school, and while you're waiting for Bella, the phone rings. You eye your PBJ longingly, and sigh, but walk over and take the phone off the hook.

" 'Lo?" You mutter, staring hungrily at your sandwich.

"Jake?" Comes the unexpected voice, a little shaky, from down the line.

"Rach?" You ask, surprised.

"Yeah, it's me. Ummm...Listen..." She hesitates, her voice wavering a little.

"Hey, Rach, you O.k.?" You ask, sandwich forgotten.

"Ummm...Kinda...Listen, Jake, I just wanted to let you know I'm coming home this afternoon. O.K? So...Um...can you just let Dad know?"

"Yeah, sure... Rachel what's goin' on? Are you alright? What happened?"

"I...look, it's nothing, I just... I just miss home, and I...I wanted to see you guys. So I'll be there this afternoon. I'll see you then. Yeah? O.k.. Bye Jakey."

And then there is a dial tone. You stare at the phone, completely bewildered.

_You don't understand women. _

You head over to the Clearwaters (after you finish your PBJ) and tell Billy what's going on.

He stares at you with barely restrained shock, and demands to know what's happened. You tell him you don't know and her harrumphs, and says he supposes you will find out soon.

Leah is something approaching ecstatic that Rach will be back, even if its just for a few days. Billy is bewildered but pleased, and you have to clean your car parts and magazines (some of which you really don't want her to find) out of the twins room.

_()()_

When Bella goes to school on Monday, she's bombarded with questions about just how well she knows 'Those Quileute boys', how much time she spends with them, how she knows them, and Lauren asks her snidely, "What her father, the Chief of Police, thought about her spending time with kids off the _reservation_."

She sneers back, and says that, actually, Charlie adores them- And spends most of his weekends there himself.

In the next breath, Lauren asks if Jake is single. Bella's only response is to glare.

And they all want to see them again.

When she gets home, she rings Jake to tell him she can't come over, when a distinctly feminine voice answers.

"Uh...Hi? Sorry, do I have the wrong number? I'm looking for the Black residence?" She asks, confused.

"Yeah, speaking. It's Rachel. Sorry, who is this?"

"Oh, right, sure! Rachel, Hi, I didn't know you were coming home. It's Bella Swan."

There is a dry laugh from the other end of the line. "Bella. I should have known. No, I only decided this morning. So how have you been?"

Bella and Rachel had met briefly once, when Bella had first moved to Forks. But Rachel never seemed to come to La Push, Billy and Jacob always went to visit her.

"Uh, yeah pretty good. You?"

"I'll live." Her voice changes tone, turning sly. "So, I hear you went to Phoenix for a holiday?"

"Oh...Yeah, that's right." Bella replies, confused.

Rachel laughs. "I only knew because I had to ask why Jake agreed to come visit me. I knew he must have been bored if he was willing to leave. I hear you two are spending a lot of time together..." It is a statement, but the way she trails off at the end invites an answer of some kind, to a question Bella hasn't heard.

"Um...Yeah, I mean...I guess, you know, a bit...I- uh..." She stammers, and blushes.

From the background, she hears a call "Rach! Who's on the phone?"

Rachel laughs sardonically. "Don't worry Jakey, I won't embarrass you to your girlfriend. You wanna talk to her now?" Bella hears a scuffle and a few snarls, before she hears Jacob say "What do you mean 'now'? Have you been talking to her long? Oh my god, Rachel, what did you _**say**_?"

"Get over it, you pansy."

"Bells? Hello? What in the hell did Rachel say?" Jacob demands.

"Um, not much. We were just, you know, catching up."

"Uh-huh." He doesn't sound convinced, but he doesn't press. "So what's up?"

"Well, I just wanted to let you know I can't come ride the bikes like we planned. We've got a Biology project and the only days that suited Connor, that's who I'm working with, is today and tomorrow for the field work and whatever so..."

"Oh. O.k., well...I mean, Rachel is here and all so it's probably...Yeah. Ok. But you're still coming for the cook out at the Clearwaters?"

"Yeah, definitely. So...I should...Probably go. I mean, I have to meet Connor so..."

"Yeah. Sure, right. So...I'll see you?"

"Definitely. Ok...So...Yeah, I better go."

"Uh-huh."

"Bye."

"See ya, Bells."

"Um, bye." She quickly hung up, and pressed her icy cold hands to her still warm cheeks.

She had wanted to ride the bikes...The were...Fun. Carefree and...Oh, who was she kidding.

She missed Jake already.

()()

_**I would like to thank PrettySoulsLiveForeve, for my very first, and very kind, review!r**_

_**Also, something that was raised was the use of second person. I'd be really interested in what you guys thought about that. So far, Jake is second person, Bella is third. To be honest I'm enjoying experimenting with a kind of unusual style but I'm open to feedback. Do you like it? Does it confuse you? Does the switching in between bother you? Do you have any suggestions? Let me know, in a REVIEW! Pretty please? As you can see, reviews are excellent motivation!**_


	3. I Run To You

_**I'm so, so sorry it's taken me so long to update. RL and exams are kicking my butt. Please forgive me? Also, you may have noticed that the rating of the story has been upgraded. I realised that this chapter just didn't really fit the 'T' rating. It's only language at this point, but I'm not sure about the direction of the story. So, in the interests of not causing offence, I have upgraded. Enjoy!**_

_**() ()**_

Connor is a nice boy. He is about Bella's height, and it is gratifying to her to feel like she isn't a midget for once, and not to have a crick in her neck every time she wants to talk to him. He gets called a 'nerd', and a 'geek' at school, because he is smart and a little awkward, what with his braces and the glasses he had only recently shed for contacts, and total lack of any sporting ability- Something Bella could fully sympathise with.

Bella had never really spent time with him before, not because he was unpopular, although she supposed that is essentially the cause. Connor has different friends so apart from some casual chat before class starts about the homework or something, they've never had reason to talk.

Naturally, it is a little awkward for a start while they are digging around in the forest that backs onto her backyard, especially considering that he had to endure an interrogation from Charlie. Bella admires him slightly for his show of fortitude in the face of….rather intimidating, gun-toting, badge carrying adversity. He had been calm and had answered Charlie's biting questions with courtesy and politeness. Considering this, and the fact that Charlie knew his parents and that they are also nice people, Charlie goes fairly easy on them and allows them to go outside fairly quickly. Bella didn't think, or at least hadn't caught, him trying to spy on them from the back porch yet too. In other words, Charlie had decided that Connor was either below her standards and therefore no threat to her virtue or else was far too much of a nice boy to be a threat to her virtue. The only exception to his hawk eye on people who do not fall into one of these two categories is Jake.

Charlie thinks of Jake as the son he never had. Jake had told her that before she moved to Forks Charlie would spend at least half the nights in the week down on the Rez. Now, it is mostly only Fridays and weekends. He has always encouraged her friendship with Jacob. Sometimes she thought he would almost be pleased to discover that they were, in fact, procreating and would be delivering him triplet (no, make that quad) grandchildren. Ok, so maybe that's an exaggeration…At least for the moment. But sometimes she thought he was actively trying to match-make them. He and Billy gossiped like old women and she wasn't entirely sure that he doesn't think they already are together.

But Conner is a nice boy. He reads classic literature, and can have a serious intellectual conversation with her without making a fool of himself. He also seems to understand that she is shy for a start and needs a little while to open up and speak to him. He doesn't, unlike so many other people at Forks High, ask her if she could introduce him to Lauren or Mike and this is a point in his favour to begin with.

They had a nice afternoon, collecting samples and observing. At the end, Bella was confident they would do well in the project and that he would at least do his share of the work. She wouldn't even mind getting to know him, after all. Because he is a nice boy.

Though, she still wished she could have spent the afternoon with Jake. Although she tried not to feel it, and when she did, not to acknowledge it, she missed him.

Even though Conner is a nice boy.

() ()

When you get off the phone, you charge through the kitchen and pounce on Rachel. "What the hell were you talking to Bella for?" You demand.

Rachel rolls her eyes, so far back you wonder if she might hurt herself. "She rang. What did you want me to do, ignore it?"

"Noooo, I wanted you to answer it and then call _**me**_." You say, barely restraining your annoyance.

"Well, who said she rang to talk to you? You're not the centre of the universe you know, Jake. She might have been ringing to talk to me. I wanted to catch up with her."

You exhale slowly, trying not to let her see quite how anxious and annoyed you are. "She wouldn't be ringing to talk to you Rach, because a, she didn't know you were coming and b, since when do you and Bella speak?"

"Since we have something to speak about." Rachel responds blithely, picking up her magazine and moving to the lounge room. She flops on the couch and flicks open the magazine as you follow her and push her feet out of the way before sitting down.

"What do you and Bella have to talk about?" You challenge.

"Why, you of course, Jakey-kins." She says innocently, eyes wide.

You count to ten before you answer in a measured tone. "Why would you be talking about me?"

"Oh, I don't know, Jake, you're pretty adorable."

Your eyes narrow to slits as you glare at her.

"Well, what?" She demands.

"You do know she's a total cougar, right? She's, like, two years older than you Jake and trust me, in high school that's a lot. At least she'll be _**plenty**_ experienced by the time you get around to getting anywhere with her."

You love Rachel, you really do. But right now, you don't like her very much. And a barb like that…Considering recent development that you have tried so hard to pretend have not happened, it cuts deeper than it should, than it normally would. But you also know whatever is wrong with her is serious. The last time Rach was like this was after your Mom died.

When Rachel hurts, she is a bitch.

"You know, Rach, there are a million things I could say right now, like how bitchy that is, or how there's nothing going on between Bella and I and how you don't know her so you don't get to judge her or say things like that about her. But I'm not going to say any of that. What I want to know is, what the hell is going on in Seattle?"

She pales, and then slowly goes red.

"Who says anything is going on in Seattle?" She demands, a dangerous undertone to her voice.

"Because, Rachel, you tease me all the time but the last time you were a bitch like this was after Mom. So don't pretend that you deciding to come home out of the blue like this is normal because it's not. Don't pretend that it's normal for you to act like this because that's not either. I may be younger than you but I'm not a total moron. It's obviously in Seattle or otherwise you wouldn't come here, and it's obviously serious or else you wouldn't have bothered coming and you wouldn't be trying to make everyone else feel like shit so you don't have to remember that you do too."

And suddenly she is in your face, hers mere centimetres from yours.

"Mind your own fucking business Jake. You know nothing. You hear me? Nothing. You think you got it bad because you're little girlfriend doesn't like you like you like her? You know _**nothing.**_ Stay out of my fucking business. And don't you ever, _**ever**_ compare this to Mom ever again."

And she is gone, leaving only dead silence, a taste of misery on your tongue and her magazine behind.

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_**Also, I'd be interested if anyone can identify the songs I'm taking the chapter titles from….Let me know in a REVIEW! **_


	4. Midnight Thoughts

_**Hi all! So I'm extremely sorry this update has taken so long. Exams and work took over my life there for a while. But I couldn't abandon these two! I hope you haven't either. **_

The silence at the dinner table is frosty. Billy tries to fill it with jovial chatter, and you make a token effort to answer his questions and give half-hearted smiles at his Dad jokes. Rachel pokes at her food and does not speak except for one word answers when spoken to.

As soon as dinner is finished she announces that she is going to visit Leah.

"Don't wait up." She calls over her shoulder as she stalks out the door.

Billy turns back to you with raised eyebrows.

"What?" You ask, delaying.

"Last time dinner was this quiet I was eating on my own. I'll tell you, the conversation was a lot better then, too." He says dryly. "You want to tell me what all that was about?"

"Why don't you ask Rachel?" You grumble. You are not in the practice of sulking or holding a grudge. It doesn't go with your personality. But there are some things that are sacred, that you won't forgive. Rachel insulted almost all of them, and you're not going to forgive that in a hurry.

Billy sighs, an exasperated sound. "Because, Jacob - Black, I am asking _**you**_. So can you kindly answer, please?" Despite his 'please' and overly courteous language, his tone brooks no argument. Billy doesn't only have authority because of his ancestry.

You pick at the grain on the wooden table with your thumbnail while you speak. "We had a fight."

"What about?" He asks in an overly patient tone.

You pick at the table a bit more while you decide how much to say.

"Rachel is, for who knows what reason, acting like a…..uh," You glance up at him before rephrasing quickly, "Not being very nice, and she said some stuff so I said some stuff and then I asked what was going on in Seattle… and she lost it."

"What did Rachel say, and more importantly, Jacob, what did you say?"

You huff in frustration, and you don't want to tell him this.

"She said something about Bella that….Wasn't nice, so I told her it was a shi….uh, crappy thing to say, and then I asked about what happened in Seattle." You leave out the part about your mother, because you don't talk about her much and you don't know how Billy would react.

Billy's dark eyes, your eyes really, assess you steadily as you speak and for a few moments once you're finished.

"Did something happen in Seattle?" He asks slowly

"How should I know? It's not like she'd tell me." You mutter in response, toeing the floor.

"But you think something did." It isn't a question.

You shrug. "I guess, I mean, when was the last time Rach came to visit? Plus, she's all moody…Well, more moody than usual that is."

Billy nods slowly. "Ok. Do you have homework?" You raise your eyebrows at the abrupt change of subject…And the subject. Billy usually doesn't remember to remind you about homework, although you like to think he just trusts you to do it.

"Already done."

He nods again. "Ok. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Not much."

"Well, Bella will be here, won't she?" He asks pointedly, as if it's a given. You suppose that it has been, actually.

"Nope. Well, she and Charlie are coming to the cook out at the Clearwaters, but not till then."

Billy raises a dark eyebrow at you. "Why not?"

"She has a Biology project."

"Uh-huh." He nods, and thinks this over for a moment before asking, "So what's going on with you two these days anyway?"

"Dad…" You complain.

He raises his hands. "Hey, I'm only asking. I'm trying to be responsible here Jacob. Do I need to give you 'The Talk' again?"

"DAD!" Your eyes widen in horror, and you groan, scrubbing at your (suddenly burning) face with your hands.

"I'm serious, Jacob. Do I? I mean, she's here every day and you two are outside or down in the shed and you know I can't supervise you. So I'm asking you, Jacob, do we need to talk about this?"

"Dad, seriously? Oh my God, I can't believe you're even asking me...We're not...Bella and I, we aren't like that." You finally manage, your eyes darting everywhere but at Billy, your face red-hot. And you ignore the little voice inside you that cries out in protest, because now is not the time.

Billy nods slowly, but doesn't say anything more for a few minutes. You sit in silence, you trying to recover from mortally wounding embarrassment, Billy obviously lost in thought.

Eventually, he turns his eyes to you again and says in his slow, measured voice, "Ok. And you'll tell me if that changes, right, Jake?"

"Yeah...sure." You mumble, and push your chair back from the table, beating a hasty retreat to you room.

The loudest music in your collection is not enough to block you clamouring thoughts. Billy earlier questions have given rise (Insert snicker from your inner thirteen year old boy) to images...Images of you and Bella. Together. As in, together, doing stuff. Stuff, as in, like...You get the idea.

And while the idea of you and Bella...together like that is incredibly attractive, it reminds you of that fateful day when you found out more about Bella than you wanted to know. You consider, sometimes, whether you'd rather be living in the blissful ignorance of before or whether it is actually better to be forewarned. _You still don't know the answer._

And so the dead silence of your house, at 2:30 in the morning, is no match for the volume of your thoughts.

The silence, however, is suddenly broken by the sounds of somebody opening the front door, shutting it loudly and then stumbling over something, followed by a hissed curse. _Rachel. _

She moves clumsily through the house, stumbling over things and swearing ferociously, though quietly. And then she's pushing your door open, the hallway light flooding into your room. She step hesitantly inside and whispers loudly, "Jacob? Jacob, you awake?" If I wasn't before, I sure would be now, you think wryly.

"Yeah. What's wrong?" You mumble, shielding your eyes from the too bright light.

She is slumped against the door frame, and when you respond she walks over to your bed, swaying dangerously. And you don't need to smell the alcohol on her breath to know that she's totally wasted.

She half sits, half falls onto your bed, resting her hand on your arm. She leans over and smooths your hair out of your face, reminding you of a thousand times when you were little that you would wake up from your dreams, throat sore, cheeks wet and the word "_Mommy"_ ghosting your lips. The twins would come in and hug you, one climbing in on each side of you, wrapping you in their arms and telling you "_Shhhh….Shhhh….Don't wake Dad up Jake. It's ok. We're here. We're here Jake."_

Over and over. We're here, Jake. Even though Mom's gone, it's ok. Because we're here, we're gonna look after you and we're not going anywhere. Except that they both left the Rez as far behind them as they could, as soon as they could.

But she's here now, Rachel, and you don't know why. Somehow, you think it's her nightmares that have brought her here this time, not yours.

She sighs and quickly wipes her cheek while you lay there silently, no idea what to say or do.

She kicks of her shoes and tells you to shove over, her voice thick with tears and tequila.

You do, and she lays back, snuggling into your side.

You lay in silence for a while, and just as you start to think she must be asleep she whispers, "I'm sorry Jake."

The words float in the air, and you want to ask what for. For insulting Bella? For being cruel to you? For coming in here drunk and obviously looking for something that you can't identify and like any boy, pretty sure you don't know how to give? For changing?

_For leaving?_

Before you formulate any words, she scoots a little closer and mumbles, "I shouldn't have said that stuff about Bella. I'm sorry. I don't…I don't know why…" She huffs a little, a gust of tequila air against your cheek, "I don't know her. I'm sure she's fucking saintly." She pauses, and mutters "Shit. Sorry, I didn't mean to swear. Don't swear, Jake. Girls don't like it, and ladies don't do it."

_You all climb up the ladder, like you've seen Daddy do because you want to see what the Rez looks like from above, from the roof of your castle disguised with wood and red paint. Of course, climbing it all three at once might not have been the smartest idea. The ladder falls, all three of you landing in a pile of wriggling, kicking and bickering limbs, letting fly with language unbecoming….Language your Mom didn't know you knew. She hears the crash and flies out to check that you're all ok. As soon as she's sure you are, she starts on a lecture about swearing. _

"_Girls don't like it, and ladies don't do it." She informs them in a tone that brooks no argument, her dark brows pulled low. But little Jake hasn't learnt that women are always right just yet, and he demands to know what any of that has to do with him. He's certainly not a LADY, and he doesn't care what girls like, coz girls are gross and they have cooties._

_Mom rolls her eyes and tells him he'll understand one day._

The memory fades, leaving only an ache in your chest.

"It's just that…I don't want you to get hurt Jakey. You're…I know I'm not the sentimental type but…You're my baby brother, and I love you." She says quietly, hugging you close. "And maybe you don't know this, Jake, but we don't register with people like them."

"We? People like them?" You ask, finally speaking, your voice soft in the dark room.

"Yeah, them, Jake. Them. Us against them." She says, her voice turning bitter.

"The Rez, with it's own rules and the tribal council and the whole 'outsiders thing.' You think it's bullshit and then you get out there in the real world and you realise they were right. All they want is to sweep you under the fucking rug."

"Who?" You ask gently, puzzled but trying to understand.

She continues as if she never heard anything, her tone turning bitter. "Stay late and help with the report, even though you have class in the morning. Order food in, but never go out together. Go to a motel, but never to his home. "Yeah, I'm married, but we're getting divorced. Yes, I still live with my wife, but in separate rooms, we barely speak. No, I don't love her like I love you. Yeah, you can meet my kids and my parents and my friends….Just wait till the divorce comes through. Just wait, darling." She says mockingly. "And you believe it, and think you're special until one day you go out and see him with his goddamn wife, all over her. Kissing, and holding her hand. Not getting divorced at all. "I'm sorry baby, I'm filing the papers soon. I don't love her, I'm leaving her for you, I promise. You're the only one I want. Until one day, you read in the paper about them renewing their _**fucking vows**_!" She finally stops, her breathing ragged and shaky, while a cold and heavy weight settles in your chest.

"I mean, seriously," She exclaims, her volume rising, "Who renews their friggin' vows when they were supposed to have filed the divorce papers already? I should've known better. I should never have got involved but…" She trails off, her voice trembling with her impending tears. "But I honestly thought that he meant it. Every time he said he was sorry, he was leaving her, he loved me, we were meant to be…I truly believed it. I thought he was it. The one. God," She laughed sardonically. "Imagine if he actually was? Can you imagine? He wouldn't even come here." She whispered.

"I wanted him to come and see where I grew up, meet Billy, meet you. I told him that no one would know who he was, they didn't have to know he was married. You know what he said? A reservation, baby? I don't want to insult your up-brining darling, but I don't think I'd fit in there. And is it safe? It's dangerous on reservations you know, you shouldn't go back either.' Like we're fucking…Like we're animals, Jake. I know the Rez is far from perfect, but it was my_ home. _And you know the worst thing? I agreed. Yeah, maybe it would be dangerous for you, in your fancy car and your thousand dollar suit with your big shiny gold watch. And you know what Jake? It would have been. I mean, maybe not with me, but if he turned up here on his own, it would be dangerous."

She's ranting now, her voice low and intense. Your fists are clenched with this unshakeable desire to find this dickhead and hurt him. Hurt him badly. Hurt him until he bleeds and feels maybe just a fraction of what he's doing. Rach is far from blameless, but he's the one who said the goddamn 'I do.' But Rachel is still talking and you try to listen, so you can maybe understand. "

You know how much weed is growing in the woods over there Jake? But, oh no, weed isn't strong enough for half them around here, they need heavier shit than that. The streets are crawling with the drunk, the drugged, the unemployed…. The school's missing half the kids every day and the teachers are part of the problem- How many times did I hear about them screwing around with one of the kids, or scoring off them, or worse still…The kids getting stuff from them?" She shakes her, pounding her fist once against the sheets.

" It's my home, Jake, but I don't always want it to be. I don't want it for you. And I….I know I'm not here, but I lie awake at night and I hope you're not…Hope you're not getting involved with the crops, and hope you aren't at Denny's every night getting beer even though he knows you're too young, or even worse, scoring something. Hope you're not brawling, and that you're going to school and doing ok there and that you have some kind of ambition to do something. And now, since I started to hear about Bella? I hope you're not getting too involved, too invested in her Jake, because she won't stick around. I can't believe she has so long already."

You have no words to answer all the things Rachel says. All the things that…How do you answer so many years of anger and frustration with empty, hollow, meaningless words?

"You're a great kid Jake." Rachel finally says after the loaded silence continues for minutes on end.

"You're smart, and funny, you're happy and so wonderful to be around. And, much as I hate to admit it, my baby brother's a little bit gorgeous." She adds and even in the darkness, you can hear the smirk in her voice.

"And you deserve, so much, to be happy. But think about it Jake. What's she gonna do? Yeah, the Chief doesn't mind if you're friends. But she's his only daughter, and I doubt he'd be thrilled with you guys being any more than that. I can't believe he lets her hang around here as much as he does. What about her Mom, huh? You're too young to remember this, Jake, but I'm not. I heard Mom and Dad talk about how Renee came from a well to do family. Renee's mother was the daughter of some French or Italian businessman who came to America and put the cherry on top of his fortune, and she married a highly successful lawyer." She pauses to let that sink in before she continues, unrelentless.

"I mean, come on Jake, how is Bella gonna introduce you to the family? Huh? Yeah, so the Chief is firmly middle class, but he's comfortably middle class. And who did she grow up with Jake? This baseball making step father of hers, he's not making peanuts. So what's she going to do, Jacob? Take you home to meet them? Then what? 'So, Jacob, where are you from?', 'What do your parents do?'"

She laughs sarcastically. "Of course, you can always tell them about your sisters. One of them gave up an amazing scholarship to get married right after graduation. But that's ok. She lives in Hawaii and runs a lovely, successful, resort with her husband. What about the other one? Oh yeah, well, she's in college in a dead end degree and working but she's screwing around with her married boss while she's at it. She's not going to do it, Jacob. That's if you two even got that far. How much shit do you think she'd get at school? She's popular, I bet, pretty girl like her. She's not going to throw that away to date a kid who's not only younger than her, but from La Push as well.

"Rach….Don't…Don't say that about yourself. And….And even if that stuff about Bella was true, and I think you're underestimating her, by the way," You say weakly, "It doesn't matter because…Because Bella and I are just friends and I think…I think that's all we're even going to be."

She digests that for a moment or two, before she drowsily murmurs, "I'm sorry if that makes you unhappy, Jake but…Maybe it's for the best. Maybe you should back of being friends with her a bit, too. Make it easier on yourself."

You lay there, silent, no idea how to respond to that and hating the voice inside that screams out in protest, that the day you distance yourself from Bella is the day that Hell freezes over but….

But.

A seed is all it takes.

A seed of doubt that keeps you awake long after Rachel drifts off, all that tequila catching up with her.

A seed that is enough to keep you awake for hours, until, just as the faintest of light is beginning to peek across the dark sky, you finally fall asleep.

_**So…Yeah. My updates should hopefully be more regular from now on, as things have settled down for me somewhat. I've already started on the next chapter so put me on alert to hear about it! Also, I have a couple of one-shots that will hopefully be posted soon, though they are not Bella/Jake stories. Still, if you're like me, you might like a lot of the Twi guys :)And as always...Please review! Let me know which Twilight character you love the most, and why. Reviews are better than snuggling with Jacob…*sigh***_


	5. Why does it have to be Wrong or Right

**I'm baaaaack…So yeah, I've been gone a while and I'm terribly sorry that I kept you all waiting so long. Not only have I been extremely busy with study, the creative muses refused to speak to me. I hope that this bumper length chapter makes up for it!**

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The next morning, you wake to thundering feet in the hallway and Rachel clinging to you like you're her favourite teddy bear.

And then the thundering feet in hallway becomes a door flinging open and thundering feet in your room before it all suddenly stops. The crows of, "Get the hell up ma-" And the "Why are you still in bed you lazy fu-" All stop mid word, and the feet pause before there is yells of disgust and wolf whistles and the door suddenly shutting as they all back out.

"Whoa, man, didn't know you were getting some…We'll uh….Leave you to it." Quil's voice is filled with unconstrained mirth, which cuts off as you fling the door open. You thought they were joking for a moment there, but you realise that they are, in fact, perfectly serious. With Rachel laying on her side, they can't see her face and she could be anybody.

Still, she's your sister, so his remarks are unforgiveable, as are the snickers from Jared, Paul and Embry. You grab Quil by his shirtfront.

"That's is my _sister, _you dick." You snarl venomously into his face.

Paul bursts out laughing. "And that's somehow better than some random chick? Your hole's getting deeper, Black."

The band of merry monkeys surrounding him start laughing and cat calling again until all of a sudden Rachel appears at the door.

_She looks like shit._

Her hair is tousled and unbrushed, her clothes rumpled, and her makeup has smeared under her eyes so that she resembles a panda bear.

"Can you all please shut the fuck up? I have the world's biggest friggin' hangover and you're yelling out here! There's jackhammers in my brain, my mouth tastes like one of Jake's socks, and although I really can't see properly because I'm trying to block the light out, you all look and _**sound**_ like the biggest motherfucking pigs I've ever seen." She snarls.

You can't help but be slightly offended by her remark about your sock…You like to think you have excellent foot-hygiene (afterall, you do at least always wear clean socks, unlike Quil who just grabs the nearest pair he can find lying on his floor) but the way they all cower from someone so much smaller and supposedly less intimidating than them more than makes up for it.

It's then that you notice that they are not, in fact, cowering….They are instead ogling Rachel, in her far too short skirt and her low cut top which has both slid down further and climbed part of the way up her stomach leaving her midriff partially bare.

Right.

That's it.

"Get the hell out!" You snap and shove them all, herding them up the hallway and forcing them into the kitchen, at least, before they recover.

"Dude…You didn't tell us Rachel go _**hot**_." Quil whisper-hisses at you.

"That's because she's not. She's totally hag like. SHE IS NOT HOT." You stress to him, your expression deadly.

"You hear me? She's too old for you anyway, you moron. Stay away from my sister, you slimy little piece of shi-"

You break off abruptly as Billy rolls into the kitchen, dark eyebrows high on his forehead.

"Morning all. To what do we owe this…Pleasure?" He asks dryly, especially looking at Paul.

Paul, who is in the process of becoming a mechanic, is older and doesn't make a habit of visiting you.

It's Embry who musters the courtesy and coherency to speak.

"Morning Billy. We're here to get Jake and ask if we can borrow the truck. Harry asked us if we could do a load of firewood for Mrs Strongbrook."

Billy dark, knowing eyes regard Embry steadily for a moment before he says, "That sounds like a good idea. Nice of you boys to do it. You can use the truck. Long as Jake or Paul drives. You're going, Jacob." He informs me, turning his gaze to you.

"Well, of course I am!" You exclaim indignantly. "You think I'm gonna let these moron's destroy the trunk?" You glare at them, while you gather breakfast.

() ()

About half an hour later, as you're in the process of loading logs into the truck with Paul, he strikes up a conversation. Which is not like Paul, at all.

"So, Rachel's visiting?" He says, attempting a casual tone.

Still in a foul mood, you merely shoot him a 'look'. Of course Rachel is visiting. He's phrasing a statement as a question, and it's annoying the crap out of you in your already less than stellar mood.

He seems to realise that he's not getting a response, so he tries again. "It's been a while since she visited, right?"

"Uh-huh." You grunt as you heave a larger lump of wood up.

"So….uh…Why the visit?" He asks, still pretending to be nonchalant.

"Felt like it, I guess." You respond darkly.

He nods. "Cool." He pauses, as if waiting for you to share some more information. But frankly, his less than subtle interest is irritating as hell, and you couldn't give a monkey's butt if he's not getting the in depth 'low down' on Rachel that he wanted.

"She…She gonna be around more?" He huffs, as he dumps another log in.

"Doubt it."

"Oh."

He is silent for a few minutes, obviously mustering both the courage to say what he wants to say, and trying to figure out how to say it.

"Um…so…Like…Does she…I mean, do you know…Like, just as, you know, out of interest…." Paul is stuttering, and nervous, and if there's one thing Paul is not, it's shy or hesitant. And you've got a pretty good idea what's coming, and he can kiss your ass with it.

"Is she seeing anyone?" He finally manages to stumble out, self consciously rubbing his neck.

"None of your business. She wouldn't be interested in you anyway."

He stares at you for a minute. "Jeez, what crawled up your ass?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." You say, shortly.

"Like hell." He retorts, his eyes sharp. "You're downright fucking obnoxious how you've always got that crazy-ass grin on your face, but I don't think you've cracked one smile or joke all morning."

"What, you want to braid each other's hair and talk about boys, after we talk about our feelings?" You ask mockingly.

He shoots you a foul look and stalks off to help Embry and Quil.

You scrub at your face with your over-sized hands, and wish that last night's knowledge had never been imparted.

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When you are all gathered at the Clearwaters' that night, you sit by yourself, reflecting on what you've learnt.

_Tequila is a poison._

Confessions lilted with Tequila have poisoned the way you think, the way you feel about Bella. You don't really think less of Rachel-which you are almost ashamed of. After all, she's having an affair with a _**married man!**_ He has kids, for gods' sake. But somehow, in your fury towards him and your overwhelming desire to just punch a tree, you can't bring yourself to blame Rachel. The thought that comes back to you every time is this- Rachel cares for him. Despite how he's obviously hurting her, she cares about him. From the little you know, it doesn't sound like he cares about either of them- His wife, or Rachel. This is Rachel's weakness. And in reality, if this was Bella, you can't swear to yourself you wouldn't do the same. You pray you wouldn't, and tell yourself that you would have the strength to do the right thing, but in reality you don't know if you could or not. And it is this…..this _man_, if he even deserves to be called that, who got down on bended knee with a ring. It is him who stood before family, friends and his future wife and said 'I do'. Who promised to forsake all others.

And it is him who asked Rachel to stay late. It is he who decided to violate the vows which should have meant more to him than anything, or any_**one**_, else. It is him who makes false promises to Rachel, and lies to his wife. Lies to his children.

And now…..Now you wonder if you really know anything. Know anyone.

You would have sworn, such a short time ago, that you knew everything about Bella. But the discovery of those little pills and Rachel's words make you question everything you thought you knew. And you never, ever, ever would have expected this of Rachel. In every scenario you came up with to explain her bizarre behaviour, this one never crossed your mind.

You are so lost in thought, you don't notice the prettiest girl in the world walk into the yard, bearing your favourite dessert (her homemade apple pie is the stuff that dreams are made of).

You don't even notice as she walks over to you, or stares at you for a moment, staring at the ground. But you do notice when she sits beside you and nudges you, making you jump in surprise.

"Hey, Jacob…Lost in thought?"

So out of it, in your reflections, you don't even respond with the typical "Yeah, it's pretty unfamiliar territory."

Instead, you simply stare at her for a moment, and then mutter a, "Hey, Bells", before turning back to your in depth study of the Clearwaters' dying lawn.

() ()

Bella is accustomed to Jake acknowledging her presence. Even if he's talking to someone and can't come over to say 'Hi' straight away, he will flash her his blinding grin and offer her a casual wave.

Bella is accustomed to Jacob's personality. Characteristics of this personality do not include him sitting off by himself, obviously brooding.

So she is at a complete loss as to how to deal with his mood. She's never seen him like this before, and frankly, she didn't really believe Jake could be like this. Sure, he had bad days. Same as everyone else, but he was still Jake. She doesn't recognise this facet of him, has no idea what has caused it, and no idea how to fix it.

So she sits quietly, stealing glances at his profile, his brows drawn together, eyes unfocused until he finally turns to her and says, "So how did the Biology thing go?"

"Um…." She stammers for a second, surprised by the unexpected question. "Yeah, it was fine. Connor's cool-He's smart," She explains, failing to note Jacob's eyebrows pulling further together, "And he'll do his share. Actually, I think we'll do pretty well." She smiles at him, hoping his bad mood has disintegrated. She is disappointed to note his downturned mouth and his eyes, still missing their happy spark.

Jacob merely nods, and says no more, so Bella makes an attempt at conversation. "So, it must be nice having Rachel for a visit?"

His eyes fly to hers, as if probing for something, before he replies slowly, "Yeah. It was….nice. To see her, I guess."

They both automatically look towards her as they speak. Rachel is on the phone, speaking quietly and tensely. Her hand grips the phone so tightly, Jacob momentarily fears she will snap it in half, and her expression is drawn.

He watches her worriedly for a few minutes while Bella watches him with an equal amount of concern.

Abruptly, he stands up and offers her his hand, pulling her to her feet.

"C'mon." He mutters, almost…_**glaring**_ in Rachel's direction. "Let's go for a walk. Food won't be ready for a while yet." He spins on his heel, and stalks off without checking to see if Bella is following.

She stands staring after him for a moment, surprised. She is used to Jacob leaving his hand in hers and despite the pang she feels at his failure to do so, she refuses to delve into exactly why she feels this way.

She hurries after him, struggling to catch up with his long legs.

When they reach the sand of the beach, she pauses to pull her shoes off, but Jacob fails to notice her absence at his side.

Bella hops from foot to foot trying to tug the shoes off, before falling gracelessly to the sand. This, at least, catches Jacob's attention and he turn back for her, peering down at her with one dark eyebrow raised at her predicament.

She glares at him, like a little kitten hissing, before extending her hand for him to help her up. She drops his hand and rests hers on his arm, using him to balance while she pulls her shoes off.

She grumbles under her breath all the while, trying to brush the sand from her clothes. "Ugh….Covered in sand…" She mumbles disgustedly, shaking her shirt a little. "Clumsy…Ridiculous."

He tries not to laugh. Really, he does. Because this is the last thing he wants. He doesn't want to be happy and he doesn't want it to be Bella who makes him that way. This is not part of the plan, and he wants a new one.

But he can't help the snickers that slip through as she glowers at him from beneath dark brows. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, she's adorable.

She folds her arms petulantly and changes the topic.

"So how long is Rachel staying?" Her attempt at polite conversation falls short, as his expression darkens…again.

"Don't know. Haven't really asked." He responds shortly.

Bella chews her lip anxiously, deep in thought. Jacob's terrible mood is clearly related to Rachel, and he doesn't look like he wants to talk about it, so she decides to change the topic.

"So what did you do today, anyway?"

"Got a load of wood for Mrs Strongbrook." He shrugs. "Not much else. What about you?"

"Well," She says with a sideways glance to him. His face is still drawn, his eyes dark and focused firmly on the sand beneath their feet, "I worked on the Biology project and then I made Apple Pie. I talked to Renee and Phil while I was working on the pie, and then Jess came over and tried to eat the apple filling."

He nods but doesn't say anything, so Bella continues casuallyh, "And while she was there, she told me that she and Quil actually went to Las Vegas yesterday and got married, because she's expecting triplets."

Jacob nods. "Cool." They keep walking for a couple of seconds before his brow slowly furrows and…

"HUH? Sorry, what did you say?" He asks, staring at her with a shocked expression.

She rolls her eyes at him. "Jake, what's wrong? You're really out of it today. Is everything ok?"

"Uh…You were kidding, right?" He clarifies, studying her features carefully.

Bella doesn't even bother responding verbally to that, instead giving him a look that clearly says 'Duh.'

"Ok, that's good. Cause, you know, I would've been really mad if I didn't get to be best man. Not to mention, Las Vegas, and I didn't get to go too? Like, seriously." He finally offers her a genuine grin.

Bella laughs. "Las Vegas isn't all its' cracked up to be. Its' pretty seedy, really."

He looks at her, surprised. "I didn't know you'd been to Las Vegas."

She shrugs, dragging her toes through the sand to create patterns as she walks. "We lived there for a few months when I was younger. Renee worked as a blackjack dealer in a casino, as well as temping at a school there."

"Wow." Jacob says. He's struck, suddenly, by just how much Bella has moved around. And he compares that to his own childhood and adolescence, spent entirely in La Push. And honestly, he doesn't think he'd give up the one he had for Bella's.

"So, anyway," She says, tucking her wind tossed hair behind her ears, "Don't think I didn't notice you totally evading my question. What's up?" She turns her deep brown, concerned eyes on him and he's lost in their depths. He finds himself wanting to tell her everything, but at the same time, desperate not to tell her any of it. Because Bella should be untouched by such things, and because Rachel has made him doubt her, just a little.

So instead, he scratches his jaw quickly before he shrugs, "Nothing…Just…Rach got home late last night. I'm a bit tired. Plus, Paul has the world most pathetic crush on her."

"Really?" Bella exclaims, before she spins on her toes while clapping her hands. "Oh, that's so _**cute!**_ They'd be so great together!" She enthuses, her eyes sparkling.

Jacob chuckles at her, amused by her girlishness in this moment.

Her smile falls suddenly as she realises something. "You don't agree, do you? I mean, you wouldn't be so grumpy about it if you agreed. But I think it would be lovely," she says as she seizes his arm, clutching it a she tries to convince him, "Because Paul lives here and so Rachel might come home, or at least move closer and then she'd see you and Billy more, because I think Billy really misses her. And Rebecca too, of course, but having one of them closer to home is better than nothing, right?" She says earnestly, "And besides, Paul's so grumpy. He needs a feminine influence to make him lighten up a bit, and then if they had kids they'd be closer to Billy and their Uncle Jacob, which would be just be _**so **_cute and they could go to school here and…." She finally pauses her rambling to draw breath, and notices Jake's incredulous and amused expression.

"What?" She asks.

"Bella honey, you don't think you're getting ahead of yourself a bit? I mean, whoever said Rach was interested in that douche bag? And you're right, he is a total grump, and Rach has a bad temper so they'd never last anyway."

Bella sighs in exasperation. "Ja-_**cob**_," She whines, "You're so pessimistic."

He laughs and slings his arm around her, pulling her closer.

Its' cold down on the beach, with the wind blowing the spray onto her, so she snuggles further into his side.

_At least that's what she tells herself._

() ()

She's so tiny next to you, tucked into your side, you muse. At 6'4 and still growing, you're pretty much a whole foot taller than her. And she weighs next to nothing.

Somehow, being so large next to her makes you feel powerful. Not because you could hurt her, because you never would…You can't even contemplate hurting her.

But because you feel like you could protect her from anything.

_And you would._

You stroll in companionable silence for a while, before you both conclude that if you don't go back soon you won't get anything to eat.

So you wander back, and as you enter the backyard, you see Rachel staring at your arm wrapped around Bella. You drop it immediately, self-conscious, before you realise something.

In Bella's presence, you forgot all about Rachel and the revelations of last night.

Bella….She just has that much power over you.

() ()

When you get home that night, Rachel announces she's leaving in the morning, much to Billy's disappointment.

As she's telling him, she glances at you once, furtively, before avoiding your gaze for the rest of the night.

Once she and Billy have gone to bed, you creep through the dark hallways until you reach her door. You tap lightly on it, and whisper "Rach? You awake?"

There is silence for a few seconds, before you hear a sigh and she says, "Yeah. Come in."

She flicks the lamp beside her bed on as you slip through the door and close it quietly behind you.

She shifts over on her bed and lifts her blanket in invitation. You slide in, but don't bother getting comfortable. You have a feeling your questions are going to result in you being kicked out pretty quickly.

You both sit there in quietly for a few minutes, both of you waiting for the other.

Finally, you break the silence that lays like a heavy, stifling blanket over the room.

"You're going back to him, aren't you?" Your words are loud in the room that has been so quiet…Not just tonight, but for so many years.

Rachel lets out a little gasp, as all the air leaves her in a rush, like a balloon deflating.

"I…Jake..Last night..I was drunk. I said things that I shouldn't…I mean, I should never have heaped all that on you. It's not your responsibility and I'm _**so**_ ashamed to have you know. I…I don't…" She trails off into silence.

"Just tell me, Rach. Are you going back to him?" Your words are harsh, your voice rough and you almost regret them but…

The only sound is Rachel's quite, gasping breaths, and you can't decide if she's going to cry or hyperventilate before she finally speaks.

"Jake, I'm not proud of what I've done or…What I'm doing. Yes, I'm going back to him." She confesses quietly. "I've spent so long…Invested so much of myself in this, I can't let it go without a fight, Jake. And I'm not proud of it, but I can't…I can't seem to help it. I believe it'll be different this time, he says it will be. He explained things to me, and he says it'll be different…Soon, anyway. And I believe that. I _**have**_ to believe that."

And you realise that she knows. Whether she's admitting it to herself or not, she knows that nothing will change. That it will all just begin over again. But she isn't ready to let go, she isn't ready to move on and you can't make her.

"Jake, I…I know I have no right to ask you for anything but…Please, please don't tell Billy about all of this. It would…It would _**kill**_ him to know…"

"I won't." You murmur quietly into the dark.

"And, Jake? If you can…If it isn't too late already….Please don't hate me for it." She whispers it quietly, like a confession, laden with shame and guilt as she begins to cry softly.

You wrap your sister in your arms, and wish that you could protect her, but you know she has to lose this battle herself.

_And you tell her the truth, that you never could hate her._

_() ()_

**Life's getting complicated for these two. I'm interested to know how Rachel's revelation has changed your perception of her and maybe other character as well? Let me know in a REVIEW! Also, can anyone tell me the song that the chapter title came from? Feedback is entirely welcome. Thank you to all those who reviewed, placed me on alert, or added me (or my story) to your favourite, or pm'ed me. I apologise that it took me so long. I'd like to say I'll update weekly, but honestly that's just not realistic for me. I think I can promise, however, that it won't take this long again. Unless, of course, the characters decide to take on a life of their own…AGAIN!**


	6. Trouble

() ()

Rachel leaves the next morning, amidst hugs, and furtive, guilty looks towards you. You guess your disapproval is pretty apparent, but its directed at her going _**back**_ to this douche bag, not her getting involved in the first place. It may not exactly be the greatest achievement of Rachel Susan Black's young life, but it _**is**_ at least a little bit understandable.

But what you can't accept is that she would go back for more, accept more of this. She deserves better, the best. She should be treated like a princess, and not like a secret to be hidden away, brought into the light only when no one else is around. She shouldn't have to feel this shame, and she shouldn't have to feel this unhappiness. And he's an asshole for doing that to her. You'd like to hunt him down and kill him, really.

In the moments when you really think about it, you feel like you could explode out of your own skin in anger. Because no man has the right to make a woman feel this way, to treat her like this. And especially not when its' your sister.

And, like an endlessly connected cycle, this brings you back to thinking about Bella. It seems you and Rachel are both doomed to pine fruitlessly for someone who cares less than you do.

And that's a painful thought, because Rachel's situation seems so utterly hopeless that you really don't want to compare it to your own.

You pull away, and spend time with yourself. You hang out in the garage, tinkering with the rabbit, and listen to your Mom's old tapes. You do your homework, spending an unusual amount of time on it. You don't see Bella, because she's busy with homework too, and you don't visit and drag her away from her books like you usually would.

Almost a week later, as the weekend comes around again, you find yourself still working away in the garage when you rarely-used cell phone starts to ring. This in itself is unusual, you really only got it so that Billy could call you if something happened and he needed help. If Embry or Quil want to talk to you, they just turn up and start eating, and Bella rarely calls but if she ever does, its almost always on the house phone.

So you stare in surprise as the screen flashes Bella's name at you, and it continues to ring insistently until you gather yourself enough to answer it. There is loud music in the background, so loud you can't even tell what it is except that you can hear a pounding beat. People are laughing and talking and Bella isn't saying anything at all.

"Bella? Are you there?"

"Jake!" She exclaims, her voice unnaturally loud and high. "Oh_**mygod**_…." She breathes, her words all running together in her rush to get them out, "I'm soooo glad you answered! I-I think I need your help, Jake."

You starting to guess why. "What happened, Bells?" You ask warily.

"W_**ell,**_" She says, still talking unusually animatedly, "Mike invited a heap of us over to swim in his pool and hang out, and it was fun and its like the first time _**ever**_ that I've gone swimming, apart from at La Push, and not got sunburnt. Because of course this is _Forks, _so its cloudier than cloudy. In fact its so cold I almost didn't swim but then I thought, hey, you only live once, right? Right? Anyway, that doesn't matter," She continues, still rambling. "But some of them were drinking, and you know how I don't drink Jake, so I didn't. But someone put out a punch bowl so I drank some of that, and it was so _**yummy….**_" She trails off, appearing to lose her train of thought.

"Oh right, yeah, what was I saying? Yeah, so I drank the punch because it was so yummy, but then I started to feel weird. And Jake…"

Her voice drops as she whispers conspiringly "I think it had _**alcohol**_ in it, Jakey. And now…And now I think I'm very _**drunk."**_ She says decisively, as if this is a great scientific discovery.

"I also think that I'm very _**dead**_, and so is Mike if I go home like this and Charlie sees me. So I was wondering Jake…Could you possibly come get me? Maybe I could hide out at your place for a while, just until I sober up a bit, and then I'll go home and leave you alone again?"

_But you never want her to leave you alone._

() ()

When you arrive at Mike Newton's, you honestly can't believe the party is still going. These kinds of parties happen all the time at La Push, but then there are no police in La Push. From the level of the noise, its shocking that Charlie and the rest of Forks PD hasn't turned up to shut the party down.

You walk up the path, past a few couples who think they're clever going off alone to flirt. _Amateurs._

And when you walk around the back, following the noise in order to find Bella, you're assaulted with noise and more kids than you thought lived in Forks.

And there's Bella.

On a table.

Dancing.

_Seductively._

Bella is wearing a bikini top coupled with a floaty floral skirt, and you try not to notice how pretty she is right now. There are two other girls dancing with her, and a crowd gathered around cheering them on. But you note that Bella's dark haired friend, Angela, and some big guy you've never seen before are attempting to get Bella to climb down off the table. She ignores their reaching hands and entreaties, and continues to dance while motioning for them to join her.

She suddenly looks up and spots you standing there. Her face lights up and she waves enthusiastically while her mouth forms your name-Not that you can hear it, because of the music. She launches herself off the table, obviously intending to go to you, except that she stumbles on her way down and would have face planted onto the pavers beneath her if it were not for the quick movement of the big dude.

The instant she started to fall, your heart was in your mouth, and you stepped forward involuntarily, knowing you are too far away to save her. But even your muscles and nerves know that you need to protect Bella.

She is giggling as she straightens up, clinging to the guy, who is obviously a friend. As you walk over, you take a moment to appraise him. He's pretty huge. Maybe not quite as tall as you, but then again, what white guy is? But he's built, seriously built. His head is topped with dark curls, and if it were not for his size, you would condescendingly call him a pretty boy.

Angela rushes around the edge of the table to her side, her hands fluttering around her as she checks that Bella is ok.

Bella beams at you when you stand in front of you and throws herself at you, arms spread why. You catch her, noting with no small amount of amusement that your arms are the only thing holding her up. She's completely trashed.

'Jake!' She squeals up at you, her dark eyes too bright.

She steps backward, still clinging to your arm.

"Jakey, you remember Ange, don't you?' She asks this without waiting for an answer, while Angela offers you a shy, awkward wave. "And this," She says, seizing his arm too, "Is Emmy bear." She flashes her blinding smile at him, before turning back to you. "Isn't he adorable? Couldn't he just be a little _**doll?**_"

You look at him doubtfully, one eyebrow raised. He sighs, his face flushing as he give her a semi-reproachful glance.

"Ohhhhhhh...I forgot. I'm not supposed to say that anymore. Oooopsss." She giggles, and leans her head against his arm. "But don't worry," She whispers at a volume that is probably louder than her normal speaking voice, "Nobody heard me."

He rolls his eyes, and extends his hand to you. "Emmett."

"Jake". You say, taking his hand. You both squeeze, testing each others strength, before pulling back and regarding each other warily for a moment.

Bella turns to respond to Jessica, who is suddenly there and talking to her, while Angela steps toward you, a shy smile on her face.

"I'm so glad you could come, Jacob. I would take Bella home myself but," She shrugs helplessly, "I'm basically in the same position as she is."

Of course, you remember now that Angela is Reverend Webers daughter. Her father would frown on this as much as Charlie would, if not more.

You offer her a smile back, "Its fine. Bella can hang out at mine till she sobers up. Thanks for looking after her." You unwillingly glance at 'Emmy bear', you think with a snicker, as you thank them.

He shrugs one large shoulder. "Just sorry she got into the punch. I don't know who spiked it, but I'd like to show them the business end of my right hook. There's kids as young as fourteen here, and they're drunk because they didn't know it was spiked."

"Emmett," Angela interjects in her soft voice, her tone quietly reproachful, "Violence is never the answer."

He hesitates for a second before he says, almost grudgingly, "Yeah. Ok."

Bella suddenly reappears into the huddle, wrapping her arm around your waist.

"Jakey," She says seriously, 'Let's roll."

You raise an eyebrow at her, and look at her doubtfully.

"Yeah, ok, let's….roll…." You say with a slight roll of your eyes as she nestles closer into your side. You note, yet again, how tiny she is and try not to register how smooth her bare skin feels beneath your large hands.

"Bella, don't forget your top." Angela says, producing a shirt from a nearby chair.

"I don't want it!" Bella complains petulantly. "Clothes," She says with a delicate hiccup, "Are restrictive and confining. They confine our very souls and force us to repress our true selves." She informs us all earnestly.

You all look at each other in wide eyed horror until she shrugs. "At least that's what Renee said when she was going through her nudist phase."

And then you all look at each other with utter mortification, coupled with your earlier horrified expressions.

Angela shoots you both a look, and draws Bella away to try and wrestle her shirt on.

You and Emmett look at each other, both waiting for the other to speak. He finally does.

"She's drunk." He says plainly.

"You don't say." You respond drily.

"I'm saying, that you better do the right thing, kid, or you're gonna suffer, ok?"

As you open your mouth to offer an acerbic response he says, "Frankly, I wouldn't be letting her leave with you at all if she didn't obviously trust you so completely, and if Charlie didn't like you so much. That doesn't mean I'm not check that you've been a complete gentleman next time I see Bella, understood?'

Just as you're about to tell him that you would _never _hurt Bella, and ask him just who the hell he thinks he is, Bella dances back over to you, thankfully in her shirt.

"Are you ready?" She chirrups, as if it is her who's been waiting.

You give her an amused nod, and she squeezes Angela into a tight hug while Angela awkwardly pats her back and tries to hold her upright all at once.

She stretches herself up to hug Emmett, and the sight of his large hands on her back gives rise to an instinct to growl, which you somehow wrestle down.

She then seizes your arm and with a cheery wave over her shoulder, tugs you away.

After a brief argument in which she insists, that as the older one of the two, she should be the one to drive (at which you remind her that since you are the only _sober_ one, you most certainly will be driving) you drive off.

And when Bella again launches into a tirade as you cruise down the tree lined roads of Forks, about how confining clothing is before she kicks off her sandals and peels off her shirt, a thought occurs to you.

You are

_**So**_

_**Utterly**_

_**Fucked.**_

_**() ()**_

**Poor Jake. Hey, I couldn't write a Jake/Bella fic without Drunk!Bella could I? I'm also interested to know what y'all think of this particular phase of Renee's? And again, if anyone can guess what song this chapter title came from?**

**This update's random question: Since you're reading this, you obviously don't always ship canon. So who is your favourite Hunger Games ship, Galeniss or Peniss? Let me know which one and why in a REVIEW!**

**Also, if you are on Tumblr (if you don't you still can, although now would be a good time to join), hit me up at: .com/ **

**I'm going to post the songs for each chapter, though it might take me a couple of days to catch up the chapters I've already posted, teasers, information on updates, pictures or anything else that takes my fancy. And you can give me feedback, ask question, give suggestions or just let me know who you are over there too. Hey! Guess what? I've posted the first chapter of another fic, 'Rough Ride'. Check it out! I'll also post stuff about it on Tumblr. **


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